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Phil Ivey Wins Poker Prima Donna of the Century

Ever since Black Friday occured, one thing everyone in the poker world has been wondering is: what will happen to those Full Tilt sponsored pros that made millions endorsing the company through paid sponsorships/part owners in the business?

Well, in the case of Phil Ivey, we have some news. He’s going to pretend to be stupid, claim he’s the best poker player in the world, and demand $150 million from Full Tilt since he openly and unabashadely endorsed a company that everyone and their dog knew was in the DOJ’s crosshairs and well…finally got taken down by the DOJ.

Sounds harsh? Not really, let’s just read some of the highlights of the lawsuit. It’s only 11 pages so it’s not too tough of a read.

Pages 1-2: Bla bla, standard legal speak. Phil Ivey is not sure who he’s suing in Full Tilt so he’ll call the defendents Doe and Roe. Really Phil Ivey? You don’t know who runs Full Tilt. Interesting…but I somehow doubt it. Anyways, who cares, let’s read on.

Page 3: “Phil Ivey is a professional poker player, he has won Eight World Series of Poker bracelets, and is regarded as the best poker player in the world.”

Really? REALLY? The BEST? Cmon man, you couldn’t have said ‘one of the best.’ Lebron James doesn’t even say he’s the best player; he’ll at least  give Kobe and Dwayne Wade some respect. But considering every 20-something male nowadays with an Internet connection and a sufficient stockpile of energy drinks and online porn is some internet poker phenom, and there are tons of guys who came from nothing and are now multi-millionaires solely through poker, are you really going to claim you are THE best poker player?

Page 3 (again). ‘…Defendant would provide software and support for legal online poker and Plaintiff would endorse the product with his name and likeness’

Oh cmon. Are you really going to try to play the ‘Full Tilt is completely legal’ game or act like nothing happened in the fall of 2006 that may have changed the whole ‘legal’ thing…anyways.

Page 4: This is the beauty where Phil Ivey tries to claim he had ‘no idea’ Full Tilt was possibly doing something illegal. Point 22 claims he was never given notice that the DOJ warned Full Tilt it was doing something illegal and point 23 claims he had no idea about the bank fraud charges.

So, I suppose we’re supposed to believe Phil Ivey just had his head in the sand about the legality of online poker from 2006-2011 and never bothered to Google ‘online poker DOJ’ or spend $5,000 to get an opinion from a lawyer of the tens of millions of dollars he willingly took to promote Full Tilt? I suppose about the bank fraud he never bothered to deposit or ask anyone how they deposited or bother to think ‘hmmmm, some law just passed that was aimed at stopping people from depositing at the site I shill for. I wonder how we are going to get people to deposit at the site.’

By the way, in case Full Tilt chooses to dispute this by proving Phil Ivey had knowledge of their banking methods or the illegality of their business, they just kinda made the DOJ’s job a lot easier if they wish to pursue criminal or civil charges against Ivey down the road…just saying.

So far, through this, we see that Phil Ivey is so damn smart he’s the BEST (not one of the best, THE best) poker players in the world, but he’s too dumb and sheltered to know that….(gasp) the DOJ thinks online poker is illegal for Americans…and that (gasp) maybe just maybe Full Tilt is pulling shady moves to get deposits cleared since a well publisized law was passed making it difficult for people to deposit at online poker sites.

Page 5: Bla bla bla, he wants out of the covenant not to compete. Fair enough, Phil. If this lawsuit was just to get you out of that so you can whore yourself out to Party Poker or someone else, then I wouldn’t nominate you Poker Prima Donna of the Century.

Page 7: Here’s where it gets fun. In the Second Cause of Action, it points out how poor Phil had judiciously shilled himself out for Full Tilt, without any knowledge that the government may just think online poker is illegal for US citizens. Now he’s so connected with Full Tilt and Full Tilt is suddenly evil, Full Tilt owes him $150 million because people connect him to Full Tilt and say things on the Internet like ‘No F’ing way Ivey is playing at the WSOP’ and ‘I hope any sponsored pro at the WSOP catches hell until you (Full Tilt Poker) pays up’ (these are referenced on page 5). Yes, $150 million. Not $5 million or $20 million. $150 million. Because people like to run their mouths on the 2+2 forum and bash Ivey for being a Full Tilt shill.

You see, Phil Ivey is a good guy. He took millions of dollars from Full Tilt to promote them. He didn’t bother to do things like consider that perhaps the DOJ frowns upon Americans playing online poker since he’s just too damn busy to do a Google search, pay a lawyer, watch the news, or read internet forum threads besides the ones that bash him. Now that the DOJ has frozen Full Tilt’s money and they can’t pay Americans (unlike PokerStars who magically seemed to be able to do so), players are pissed off and are bashing anybody that took millions of dollars  promoting Full Tilt.

Because people are bashing Full Tilt and calling Phil Ivey mean names and pwning on the Internetz, it’s all Full Tilt’s fault…and because everyone knows Phil Ivey is the God of Poker and should be able to shill for someone else, Full Tilt should pay him $150 million because of his horrific internet pwnage.
Make sense to me!


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