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-   -   Wolfgame 2011.08.04.1997 (http://www.pokertips.org/forums/showthread.php?t=78103)

killcrazy Mar 12, 2011 10:33pm

Wolfgame 2011.08.04.1997
 
EXT. A FUCKED UP CITY FULL OF SKELETONS AND SHIT - NIGHT.

VIGILANTE (VO): Three billion human lives ended on August 29th 1997, but according to wikipedia, nobody of consequence was among them. The survivors of the nuclear fire called the war Signup Thread. They lived only to face a new nightmare, the war against the wolves.

Scenes of apocalyptic carnage, humans fighting machines in the future.

VIGILANTE (VO): Skynet, the computer which controlled the game, sent two terminators back through time. Their mission: to destroy the leader of the human resistance, the seer.

Fighting continues, some explosions explode.

VIGILANTE (VO): The first terminator was programmed to strike at me, in the year 1984, before the seer was born. It failed, but in 1991 Skynet took control of imdb.com and adjusted The Terminator's box office and merchendising statistics, as well as posting hundreds of rumours about a sequel on Rotten Tomatoes.

More standard action movie boilerplate.

VIGILANTE (VO): The second terminator was sent to strike at the seer himself, when he was still a child. As before, the resistance was able to send a lone angel, a protector for the seer. It was just a question of which one of them would reach him first...

Two large bands of interference as the tape is fast forwarded.

nakedarnieappears.everyoneisveryinterestedinhis
crotchwherehepresumablyhasarobotpenisforsome
reason.clothesbootsmotorcycleagentdogbiscuit.
dicklessfosterparentsvigilanteiscrazymoredickless
fosterparents.creditcardfraudmorevigilante
conspicuouslyblackroboticsgeniusinalabfullofwhite
people.morevigilantearcadewolfseerwolfangelseer
angelwolfseerangel.wolfseerwolfseerheyafterburner
irememberthatgamewolfseerwolfangelseerangelseer
angel!

wolf!

Playback continues at normal speed.

ANGEL: Get down!

The angel and wolf engage in a dance competition, no clear winner can be established on account of the building being more or less totalled.


EXT. ALLEY.

SEER: Now, don't take this the wrong way, but you are a terminator, right?

ANGEL: Yes. Cyberdine Systems, Model 101.

SEER: Okay. You're not here to kill me. I figured that part out for myself. So what's the deal?

ANGEL: $5000 up front, $500 per night. Cash. You pay all medical expenses.

SEER: ...Roadhouse?

ANGEL: All terminators are programmed with the movies of Patrick Swayze.

SEER: That explains the faggy dancing.

ANGEL: And the poorly delivered dialogue.

SEER: ...Who sent you?

ANGEL: You did. Thirty years from now you reprogrammed me to be your protector here, in this time.

SEER: Did I happen to reprogram you with a copy of the Terminator 2 script?

ANGEL: Yes.

The angel drops his trousers and squats in the gutter.


EXT. STREET - NIGHT

The seer is leafing through the script.

SEER: It says we're supposed to go to the asylum and rescue the vigilante?

ANGEL: Negative, the wolves will definitely attempt to reacquire you there. There may not even be a vigilante. If the wolves' mission fails, a more expensive wolf will be sent back to take another crack at it in a few years time. From our perspective, time would continue without interruption, but our timeline would become a redundant selfperpetuating loop distinct from the universe we inhabit. Any one of us may or may not exist.

SEER: But if you're successful in your mission, wouldn't that mean that you never existed to be sent back? That you are here is proof that we do not exist.

The angel disappears, then reappears driving an ice cream truck.

SEER: What the fuck just happened?

ANGEL: Another wolf was sent back to eliminate me from this movie while in post production. You rereprogramed me and sent me back to get a job as an assistant coffee and bagels bitch on the set. I smuggled a copy of the movie out and put it on bittorrent.

SEER: Then how...

ANGEL: And then another wolf was sent back to contaminate the bagels with human fecal matter to ensure I would be fired. You reprogrammed me with a basic culinary subroutine and I was able to replace the bagels using my onboard Easy-Bake oven.

SEER: Then how...

ANGEL: But another wolf was sent back to assassinate the president of the Kenner Toy Company to prevent the Easy-Bake oven ever being invented, so I stole an ice cream truck.

SEER: Then how do I remember you disappearing? Wouldn't I either still be in the timeline where you disappeared, or exist in a timeline where you never disappeared?

ANGEL: You are the one.

SEER: ...The Matrix now?

ANGEL: All terminators are programmed with the movies of Keanu Reeves.

SEER: That explains the terrible acting.

ANGEL: And the halfassed Bill and Ted temporal cosmology.


Kc

killcrazy Mar 12, 2011 10:33pm

INT. ICE CREAM TRUCK

SEER: So if the wolves are hiding in the village, why don't we just...

ANGEL: Negative, village players may only communicate with each other using the game thread. Skynet will recognise any attempt to circumvent this by, for instance, editing posts and will detonate the player's explosive slavecollar.

SEER: So how do we kill the wolves?

ANGEL: Though wolves are impervious to all weapons except the vigilante's unique plasma rifle, they are susceptible to big vats of molten steel. During the day cycle, which begins and ends at 7pm GMT on consecutive days, we must vote for one player to be dunked at the village foundry.

SEER: How do we do that?

ANGEL: By arguing with no particular purpose and then randomly piling votes on whoever has pissed us off most this game. All votes must be in red as Skynet's visual systems are not yet fully operational. In the event of a tie, we will have one hour to choose between the leading candidates. If the voting remains tied after this period has elapsed, Skynet will kill everyone.

SEER: Wait, why is Skynet in charge all of a sudden, and why would it oversee the death of its own wolves? For that matter, how does killing the wolves in any way stop Skynet from destroying the human race?

ANGEL: Skynet realised that Skynet filled the role of the Skynet character half way through the previous post and couldn't be arsed to rewrite everything, also he discovered that there are a shortage of opportunities for comedy in the parodying of Terminator 2 which is why we keep making references to other movies, lacking as we do any humour of our own beyond the occasional joke about pooping.

SEER: ...Scary Movie?

ANGEL: Yes, all terminators are programed with advanced psychological torture techniques.

The angel disappears, then reappears wearing a hawaiian shirt and holding two nonconsecutive thirds of a kangaroo.

ANGEL: It was casual Friday.

FADE OUT


11 players.
Between 1 and 3 wolves.
At least 1 but no more than 2 of seer, angel, vigilante.


Kc

killcrazy Mar 12, 2011 10:34pm

Alive
Ace
Axis of Evil
Staphros
Sully
TJ

Dead
Bubbleboy - hanged day 0
Boilermaker - hanged day 1
Garso - eaten night 1
Kmay - hanged day 2
Jokeslayer - eaten night 2
Expopcorn - hanged day 3
Swoop - eaten night 3

Kc

killcrazy Mar 12, 2011 10:35pm

IT IS NIGHT.

http://i948.photobucket.com/albums/a...rm/night-1.jpg

Kc

Jokeslayer Mar 12, 2011 10:42pm

First, villager.

Jokeslayer Mar 12, 2011 10:44pm

Also defiintely not the angel. I promise.

expopcorn Mar 12, 2011 11:15pm

present villager

player list?

Axis of Evil Mar 12, 2011 11:39pm

In a Kc hand-tailored game I am always a villager here.

TJTay89 Mar 12, 2011 11:41pm

Gandalf the villager here.

killcrazy Mar 13, 2011 12:01am

IT IS DAY.

http://i948.photobucket.com/albums/a...term/day-1.jpg

Kc


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