THE FORUMS


German ForumsGeneral DiscussionStrategyFrench Forum

Go Back   PokerTips.org Forums > General Discussion > The Rail

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old May 31, 2011, 6:31pm   #1
IronLen1972
Degenerate
 
IronLen1972's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Fredericton NB Canada
Posts: 1,915
Reputation: 1660
IronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant future
This member received this PokerTips Exclamation Mark for one of a number of reasons: blogging, winning a contest, contributing great content, etc. Keep an eye out for chances to receive one of these by your profile! This member received this PokerTips Exclamation Mark for one of a number of reasons: blogging, winning a contest, contributing great content, etc. Keep an eye out for chances to receive one of these by your profile! This member received this PokerTips Exclamation Mark for one of a number of reasons: blogging, winning a contest, contributing great content, etc. Keep an eye out for chances to receive one of these by your profile! This member received this PokerTips Exclamation Mark for one of a number of reasons: blogging, winning a contest, contributing great content, etc. Keep an eye out for chances to receive one of these by your profile!
Default We Need a Bad Jokes Thread

Find some really bad jokes and post. (non) Hilarity to ensue. I will kick it right off:

**Disclaimer: All jokes stolen off the interweeb with no credit given to whoever the author was. And I doubt the author would own up to it anyways**

Q: How much cocaine can Charlie Sheen snort?
A: Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.


Q: What's a bigger lie than Lindsay Lohan pleading "Not Guilty"?
A: Charlie Sheen saying he's sober and a feminist.

Actor Charlie Sheen's Mercedes was stolen and driven off a cliff. The car thief didn't want the car, he just wanted to provide the perfect metaphor for Charlie Sheen's career.

Q: What's the name of the new Charlie Sheen sitcom?
A: Two and a Half Personalities

Q: Why is Charlie Sheen planning a trip to Australia?
A: He wants to watch his career go down the toilet counterclockwise.

Charlie Sheen's stolen car was found crashed at the bottom of a cliff. Sheen cleared himself of any involvement by claiming that at the time of the crime, he was home beating his wife.

Q: Why did LAPD take away Charlie Sheen's guns?
A: They were hoping it would stop him from shooting his mouth off.

Q: Why does Charlie Sheen say he has "Tiger's blood"?
A: Because his wife chased after him with a nine iron.

News reports note that Charlie Sheen's wife was arrested in 1996 for DUI, then later for cocaine possession. Which answers the question, "So, how did you guys meet?"

Q: What's the difference between Charlie Sheen and Leonardo DiCaprio?
A: Charlie knows what's it really like to be on a sinking ship.

Q: Is it true that the show "Two and a Half Men" will continue without Charlie Sheen?
A: Yes -- but they're renaming it to "Two Men".

The Hanes underwear company has suspended Charlie Sheen as spokesman. Sheen will instead become the new spokesman for Fruit-of-the-Loon.

Q: Is it true John Stamos was asked to replace Charlie Sheen on the show "Two and a Half Men"?
A: No. However, Martin Sheen has asked him to be his son.

Q: What is the Groundhog Day tradition for Charlie Sheen?
A: Charlie sticks his head out of his house, and if he sees his drug dealer, we can all count on six more weeks of porn stars.
__________________
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
IronLen1972 est déconnecté   Reply With Quote

Sponsored Links
Don't like this ad? Register to make it go away!

Old Jun 01, 2011, 12:44pm   #2
darryl
Still can't quit day job.
 
darryl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: chicago area
Posts: 1,232
Reputation: 1220
darryl has much to be proud ofdarryl has much to be proud ofdarryl has much to be proud ofdarryl has much to be proud ofdarryl has much to be proud ofdarryl has much to be proud ofdarryl has much to be proud ofdarryl has much to be proud ofdarryl has much to be proud of
This member received this PokerTips Exclamation Mark for one of a number of reasons: blogging, winning a contest, contributing great content, etc. Keep an eye out for chances to receive one of these by your profile! This member received this PokerTips Exclamation Mark for one of a number of reasons: blogging, winning a contest, contributing great content, etc. Keep an eye out for chances to receive one of these by your profile!
Default

We already have a joke thread, some of which are bad. These are just Charlie Sheen jokes.

Here's my favorite bad jokes.

Q: What did the snail say when he was on top of the turtle?
A: Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Two cows grazing in a field, the first one says to the other, "Did you hear about the disease going around the pasture called 'talking cow disease'?" The other cow says, "Mooooo"

I'll be here all week.
-d
__________________
__________________
AFPP Supporter
Supporting a friendlier pokertips.org since 2008
darryl est déconnecté   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 01, 2011, 1:22pm   #3
GoldfishUltraDeluxe
Grinder
 
GoldfishUltraDeluxe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Online [micro|low]stakes cashgame, SnG or MTT
Posts: 790
Reputation: 372
GoldfishUltraDeluxe is just really niceGoldfishUltraDeluxe is just really niceGoldfishUltraDeluxe is just really niceGoldfishUltraDeluxe is just really nice
This member received this PokerTips Exclamation Mark for one of a number of reasons: blogging, winning a contest, contributing great content, etc. Keep an eye out for chances to receive one of these by your profile! This member received this PokerTips Exclamation Mark for one of a number of reasons: blogging, winning a contest, contributing great content, etc. Keep an eye out for chances to receive one of these by your profile! This member received this PokerTips Exclamation Mark for one of a number of reasons: blogging, winning a contest, contributing great content, etc. Keep an eye out for chances to receive one of these by your profile!
Default

Two mooses were flying around.
__________________
Standard.....no, wait, WTF is going on here?
GoldfishUltraDeluxe est déconnecté   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 01, 2011, 11:43pm   #4
glockers
Professional
 
glockers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,055
Reputation: 979
glockers is a splendid one to beholdglockers is a splendid one to beholdglockers is a splendid one to beholdglockers is a splendid one to beholdglockers is a splendid one to beholdglockers is a splendid one to beholdglockers is a splendid one to beholdglockers is a splendid one to behold
Default

what did the bee say to the flower?

hi honey.

that is a real hit with my boy's year 3 class
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by PocketJokers View Post
cheapness is a skill
glockers est déconnecté   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 04, 2011, 4:02am   #5
MRVEGAS
Dude
 
MRVEGAS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Rockabilly Highway
Posts: 3,362
Reputation: 626
MRVEGAS is a name known to allMRVEGAS is a name known to allMRVEGAS is a name known to allMRVEGAS is a name known to allMRVEGAS is a name known to allMRVEGAS is a name known to all
Send a message via AIM to MRVEGAS
Default

The tachyon leaves.
The bartender says: "we don't serve your kind here"
A tachyon walks into a bar.
__________________
“The weak are the most treacherous of us all. They come to the strong and drain them. They are bottomless. They are insatiable. They are always parched and always bitter. They are everyone’s concern and like vampires they suck our life’s blood.” Bette Davis
MRVEGAS est déconnecté   Reply With Quote
Old Jun 04, 2011, 4:03am   #6
MRVEGAS
Dude
 
MRVEGAS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Rockabilly Highway
Posts: 3,362
Reputation: 626
MRVEGAS is a name known to allMRVEGAS is a name known to allMRVEGAS is a name known to allMRVEGAS is a name known to allMRVEGAS is a name known to allMRVEGAS is a name known to all
Send a message via AIM to MRVEGAS
Default

A traveling salesman's car breaks down in the country, so he decides to call on the closest farmhouse.
When the farmer opens the door, the salesman says, "Sir, my car died just up the road. Could I stay here for tonight?"
The farmer says, "Sure, but I have a very handsome son and you'll have to promise not to sleep with him."
"Excuse me," says the salesman, "but I think I'm in the wrong joke."
__________________
“The weak are the most treacherous of us all. They come to the strong and drain them. They are bottomless. They are insatiable. They are always parched and always bitter. They are everyone’s concern and like vampires they suck our life’s blood.” Bette Davis
MRVEGAS est déconnecté   Reply With Quote
Old Aug 03, 2011, 12:35pm   #7
darryl
Still can't quit day job.
 
darryl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: chicago area
Posts: 1,232
Reputation: 1220
darryl has much to be proud ofdarryl has much to be proud ofdarryl has much to be proud ofdarryl has much to be proud ofdarryl has much to be proud ofdarryl has much to be proud ofdarryl has much to be proud ofdarryl has much to be proud ofdarryl has much to be proud of
This member received this PokerTips Exclamation Mark for one of a number of reasons: blogging, winning a contest, contributing great content, etc. Keep an eye out for chances to receive one of these by your profile! This member received this PokerTips Exclamation Mark for one of a number of reasons: blogging, winning a contest, contributing great content, etc. Keep an eye out for chances to receive one of these by your profile!
Default

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth one orders an eight of a beer.
The bartender says, "This will take forever, I'll just pour y'all two beers and call it a day."

-d
__________________
__________________
AFPP Supporter
Supporting a friendlier pokertips.org since 2008
darryl est déconnecté   Reply With Quote
Old Aug 03, 2011, 1:36pm   #8
SwoopAE
CAPITAO
 
SwoopAE's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 13,271
Reputation: 4070
SwoopAE has a reputation beyond reputeSwoopAE has a reputation beyond reputeSwoopAE has a reputation beyond reputeSwoopAE has a reputation beyond reputeSwoopAE has a reputation beyond reputeSwoopAE has a reputation beyond reputeSwoopAE has a reputation beyond reputeSwoopAE has a reputation beyond reputeSwoopAE has a reputation beyond reputeSwoopAE has a reputation beyond reputeSwoopAE has a reputation beyond repute
This member received this PokerTips Exclamation Mark for one of a number of reasons: blogging, winning a contest, contributing great content, etc. Keep an eye out for chances to receive one of these by your profile! This member received this PokerTips Exclamation Mark for one of a number of reasons: blogging, winning a contest, contributing great content, etc. Keep an eye out for chances to receive one of these by your profile! This member received this PokerTips Exclamation Mark for one of a number of reasons: blogging, winning a contest, contributing great content, etc. Keep an eye out for chances to receive one of these by your profile!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by darryl View Post
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth one orders an eight of a beer.
The bartender says, "This will take forever, I'll just pour y'all two beers and call it a day."

-d
Best one in thread so far
__________________
Chat Monitor (Support): SwoopAE has lost their chat privilege for 5 minutes. Spamming the table is prohibited.

SwoopAE est déconnecté   Reply With Quote
Old Aug 03, 2011, 11:07pm   #9
TJTay89
I am a wolf
 
TJTay89's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,935
Reputation: 1993
TJTay89 has a brilliant futureTJTay89 has a brilliant futureTJTay89 has a brilliant futureTJTay89 has a brilliant futureTJTay89 has a brilliant futureTJTay89 has a brilliant futureTJTay89 has a brilliant futureTJTay89 has a brilliant futureTJTay89 has a brilliant futureTJTay89 has a brilliant futureTJTay89 has a brilliant future
This member received this PokerTips Exclamation Mark for one of a number of reasons: blogging, winning a contest, contributing great content, etc. Keep an eye out for chances to receive one of these by your profile!
Default

My fav. bad jokes.

Why is six afraid of seven?... Because seven ate nine.

When is a door not a door?... When its a-jar.

What's the last thing to go through a mind of a bug when it hits your windshield?... His ass.

Two gay guys die simultaneously while in the throws of anal sex, but only one makes it into heaven. Which one and why?... The guy receiving because he already had his shit packed.
TJTay89 est déconnecté   Reply With Quote
Old Aug 05, 2011, 2:44pm   #10
IronLen1972
Degenerate
 
IronLen1972's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Fredericton NB Canada
Posts: 1,915
Reputation: 1660
IronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant futureIronLen1972 has a brilliant future
This member received this PokerTips Exclamation Mark for one of a number of reasons: blogging, winning a contest, contributing great content, etc. Keep an eye out for chances to receive one of these by your profile! This member received this PokerTips Exclamation Mark for one of a number of reasons: blogging, winning a contest, contributing great content, etc. Keep an eye out for chances to receive one of these by your profile! This member received this PokerTips Exclamation Mark for one of a number of reasons: blogging, winning a contest, contributing great content, etc. Keep an eye out for chances to receive one of these by your profile! This member received this PokerTips Exclamation Mark for one of a number of reasons: blogging, winning a contest, contributing great content, etc. Keep an eye out for chances to receive one of these by your profile!
Default

Two guys walk into a bar - why didn't the second guy duck?
__________________
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
IronLen1972 est déconnecté   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT. The time now is 6:37pm. vBulletin 3.7.4 Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.