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Old Dec 30, 2014, 4:06pm   #1
feudallord
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Default How to stop after losing a lot?

Hi. I suck at poker. Ive lost roughly 15k now at this point. I'm tired of depositing onto ACR. It's an annoying process through WU, and debilitating psychologically. When I get KK and follow the line suggested by the books, I lose for all my chips on and under flop to 9T. When I get 78 I lose to QQ. I don't really care anymore about anything other than stopping. I'm just so tired of it. Working 40 hours a week for nothing. I don't even like my work. The only reason why Im playing is to get the money back, but in reality just throwing good money after bad.

I was chilling in a friend from middle/high school's new apartment over the weekend. He is technologist, makes 90k a year. Very happy for him. He has been telling me that gambling is bad for years now, we discussed it a bit and he admitted there was about 15000 worth of trinkets and random shit just in his apartment alone.

It's besides the point though. I'm sick of wasting my time. I can't stop though because I want it back, it's all i can think about. People call me to hang out, to see how im doing, and I have to ignore because im really thinking about ending myself

I really want to move on. And it has never helped that not a SINGLE person in all this time has ever supported me playing, or has said it was a good thing, you guys included lol.

Help would be greatly appreciated.
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Old Dec 30, 2014, 8:45pm   #2
darryl
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I wish I could be supportive you playing poker. I really do.
I'm glad you realize you suck at poker and that you don't want to chase money. That's a great step.

If you set aside a budget each week or month or whatever strictly for poker and never under any circumstances exceed it, then I don't think you have any issues. It's just your entertainment budget. Some people like to spend money on sucking on prostitutes elbows, others like spending money on poker. I for one like to spend my money on mechanical puzzles, ugly hats and lemon shift knobs.
The important part I think for you is to play poker for the right reasons. That reason should be for entertainment. If it's for money, you will fail because that's all you will be thinking about which will make you make bad decisions.
If you don't think you are capable of stopping, there is help 1-800-GAMBLER would be a good start.

I don't think this will help you much, but I just thought I'd share. Shortly after i graduated college, I started my full time career. It was so depressing knowing I would have to work 40 some hours a week for the next 40 plus years or so. I got over it though. It got better. I enjoy what I do, etc. Maybe I'm lucky. But if you don't like what you are doing, try to pursue another career. What do you like to do that you are good at? We know you like poker, but you will never survive long term unless you have some serious life changes.

I hope this helps.

-d
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Old Dec 31, 2014, 3:05am   #3
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Originally Posted by feudallord View Post
I don't really care anymore about anything other than stopping.
email the site and ask them to ban you. most sites will do this because gambling addicts are really bad for PR.

Quote:
The only reason why Im playing is to get the money back, but in reality just throwing good money after bad.
if it helps, write that on a post-it note and stick it to your computer.

Quote:
It's besides the point though. I'm sick of wasting my time. I can't stop though because I want it back, it's all i can think about. People call me to hang out, to see how im doing, and I have to ignore because im really thinking about ending myself
go to the doctor and tell them that, in exactly those words.

Quote:
I really want to move on. And it has never helped that not a SINGLE person in all this time has ever supported me playing, or has said it was a good thing, you guys included lol.
blaming others for one's mistakes and shortcomings, regardless of how perverse and untenable the logic, is a common refuge of the human psyche. you would be well served to recognise this feeble rationalisation for what it is, and abandon it.

Quote:
Help would be greatly appreciated.
ask yourself this. why are you saying this here? darryl's in chicago and i'm on another continent. why are you saying this to us rather than your friend, or your father, or your doctor?

we really can't do any more than we already have. you know what advice we'll give you because we've given it before. it's up to you to follow it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by darryl
If you set aside a budget each week or month or whatever strictly for poker and never under any circumstances exceed it, then I don't think you have any issues.
forgive my candour, but this is terrible advice and it should be ignored.

if you don't have any issues, then you can set aside a budget for poker and never exceed it, but how many recovered alcoholics do you know who can have the odd beer every now and then?

how many people do you know who've been overweight and on a perpetual diet for 30 years who allow themselves an occasional treat?

addictions must be broken. you don't break an addiction by feeding it.

Quote:
If you don't think you are capable of stopping, there is help 1-800-GAMBLER would be a good start.
i don't know enough about that particular service to comment, but if you can't bring yourself to do anything else, you can at least speak to them, on the phone, in confidence, without anyone knowing who you are.

as to the support groups like gamblers anonymous, it's important to realise that these are _support_ groups. groups that will support you while _you_ do the things you need to do to take care of your problem.

Quote:
I don't think this will help you much, but I just thought I'd share.
"thank you for sharing, darryl"

i learnt that from tv shows. i'm probably the last person you want in a support group.

but if we're sharing, i'll join in.

i've been dealing with chronic depression since i was 14. almost 20 years.

the details are unpleasant and will be omitted largely because i don't want to put ideas in your head, but i was far more fucked up then than you are now, and the appeal to authority is not misplaced on this occasion. i know what i'm talking about.

you are ill, but you are far from fucked up. over the years i've known dozens of people who were in similar (and often much worse) places to you and, once they sought help and embraced treatment, they are all, without exception, sane, healthy, functional people.

if you were in pain, or pissing blood, or if your eyes stopped focusing or one of your ears fell off, you would go to the doctor. this is the same thing. the human mind is what separates us from animals. if you don't take care of your mind you might as well be meat.

gambling addiction is not your illness, it is a symptom of your illness. certainly, while you are treating the illness, you should do whatever needs to be done to keep you away from the felt, but if you ignore the illness, it will manifest itself in some other way.

go to your doctor. it's what they're for.

Kc
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Old Dec 31, 2014, 4:25am   #4
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Point taken KC.
As usual, your advice is much better than mine.
I have far from an addictive personality, so I tend to miss these sorts of things. I should learn to empathize more - it would help with my poker game as well.

(sorry didn't mean to hijack)
Anyway Feudallord,
I am no expert, but if it's help you seek, I would suggest something beyond a poker forum with less than a handful of active members. KC is right on all counts though.

-d
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Old Jan 09, 2015, 12:49am   #5
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I think you are giving feudalord too much credit. I just think he is a stoner teenager that sucks at poker and likes to whine about it. That was me minus the sucking (much).
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Old Feb 25, 2015, 7:51pm   #6
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Hey.

Read through your responses. That bit about gambling being a symptom of actual illness, is correct. "winning" poker hands made me feel smart, strong, when otherwise I don't. Wrong reason to play.

Anyway, I'm working towards going back to school for a masters in CS. I'll be happy working any job that will bring in at least 50 a year. In the meantime while studying I'll leave the freerolls running, since getting hands requires 90% folds which is pretty much all the time you spend at a table. But at least this way if I go all in with AK and someone calls with KJ and hits a j on the flop, I won't have just wasted my time.

I think i'll be alright.

Darryl whatd you end up doing 40 hrs a week after school ended? Just curious

Actually an individual I went to school with (united nations international school) in 4th grade jumped off the manhattan bridge last week. Same age, his parents were doctors at columbia, family had $.

How would you explain that someone like me, who has failed at poker, hasn't had any type of communication with a girl in at least 5 years, has a dead end low paying full time job, poor, has not taken the same route? In fact I'm trying to better myself every day and get healthier and take better care of myself and do something meaningful, even though I'm not really getting anywhere

Last edited by feudallord; Feb 25, 2015 at 7:59pm.
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Old Feb 25, 2015, 10:44pm   #7
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Originally Posted by feudallord View Post
In the meantime while studying I'll leave the freerolls running, since getting hands requires 90% folds which is pretty much all the time you spend at a table. But at least this way if I go all in with AK and someone calls with KJ and hits a j on the flop, I won't have just wasted my time.
addictions must be broken. you don't break an addiction by feeding it.

Kc
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Old Feb 26, 2015, 12:06am   #8
feudallord
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I just can't do it man. I'll only be able to leave it behind after I've won 10k.

WOrked out today though. Going to practice drums now, then start studying. Woo.

AND ive reduced cigarette consumption to no more than 1 / day, and its only if its a particularly stressful day dwelling on loss lol.

Still smokin spliffs tho...

Seriously though man nlhe is pretty "algorithmic" in that oh shit thats an actual word lol. Algorithmic as something that can be "completed" following a precise set of steps. The steps would be things like playing the suited connector when the pot odds are correct (several people behind with only a little to call yes) AND the hand you hold is something whose only purpose is to complete a draw AND you're last to act. If any of the conditions are false then the simple action is to just fold and continue waiting. The problem is, I hate to admit it, I simply don't have the patience lol. The profitable spots come, but it takes like 30-40 hands in between of doing nothing but watching other people play.

Last edited by feudallord; Feb 26, 2015 at 12:13am.
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Old Feb 26, 2015, 8:37pm   #9
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Don't be worried. It happens in poker. Play better in next game.
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Old Feb 26, 2015, 10:20pm   #10
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So that's the answer, huh boss? "it happens" lmao
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