Poker Humor on the Web
THE WEEKLY SHUFFLE, 2006-02-19, by Ozone, TwoGun
Poker pop-culture on the internet has spread to the comedy section. Here are a list of a few funny spots on the web that deal with poker:
"Beautiful" Bill Fillmaff's "Secret System" is the best ticket on the internet for learning how to become a Worldwide Poker Champion
or at the very least, for having a good laugh. This website is a series of "instructional" videos given by a fictitious character named Bill Fillmaff, whose many idiosyncrasies resemble those of real-life poker player Phil Hellmuth. These videos give viewers the opportunity to watch the great Fillmaff, who bills himself as the 1998 Worldwide Poker Champion, take on various poker legends such as Goose Hinson, Amy Luke, and Hermando Benitez. If you notice any similarities between Fillmaff's videos and various highlights from ESPN's World Series of Poker episodes, chances are it's not a coincidence.
Fillmaff's one-liners about "low-life amateurs" and bad-beats are the most humorous poker-related material on the internet. Fillmaff's website even offers the chance to download his hit theme song called "I'm Bill Fillmaff and I'm the Worldwide Champ". Most of the instructional videos detail some form of a violent outrage whereupon Fillmaff attacks his opponent for doing something they "weren't supposed to". Chapter 4 teaches viewers how to increase their expected value (EV) by dumpster diving for food so they can save money for poker. Most poker humor websites are pretty lame, but if Bill Fillmaff's videos don't at least make you chuckle, you had better check your pulse.
Eurorounders is an "excerpt" from a non-existent screenplay for a European spoof of a popular poker movie. This faux-screenplay is either going to be painfully boring or roll-on-the-floor funny depending on whether or not you've seen the movie "Rounders". The screenplay starts with a voiceover from the story's hero, Michel, who tells us, "If you can't find the boorish American hold'em player at the table within half an hour, you are the boorish American hold'em player." From there it's easy to finish reading the humorous screenplay that details the epic poker battle between Michel and Teddy CIA.
Of course, the game of choice in this story is Pot Limit Omaha. This lends to some classic lines from Michel such as, "He's representing Ace-Ace-King-King doublesuited, the only hand better than mine. I can't call, and give him a chance to catch. I can only fold...if I believe him." No need to worry though, if Teddy CIA busts Michel, he can always rely on his friend Joey Croissant to bankroll him.
Popular poker magazine "Card Player" recently released a series of 8 "e-cards", some of which are pretty funny, and can be used as birthday cards for friends or just random greetings. The funniest card shows three poker players gathered around a table, one of which is a dog. The guest seems impressed that his friend has taught his dog how to play poker, but this fascination is quickly lost after the dog picks up his hole cards and his tail begins to wag rapidly thus indicating a good hand. Another e-card shows the queen of hearts jump off of her paper and flirt with the viewer while twirling her hand-held flower.
This is a cynical commentary that uses poker as a symbolic means to convey the author's feelings of the Bush administration's job on the War on Terror. The premise of the article is that, after his opponent reveals two pair, Dick Cheney simply says "I have that beat", and tries to take the pot without ever showing his cards. This leads to a big international debate between several famous political figures as to whether or not Dick Cheney actually needs to show his cards.
Most poker t-shirts sold online are pretty lame, but the ones available at this website are actually quite funny. One of them shows a stack of poker chips in front of Elvis with a caption that says "Dead Money". Another has a picture of an old-fashioned housewife with a caption that says "Mom said I could play suited connectors". Most of the shirts cost between $15 and $20. Hats, women's apparel, and gift certificates are also available at this website.
The Weekly Shuffle is our Sunday column with our observations and commentary on the poker world. Have an idea for an article? Leave a suggestion on the feedback page.
|How To Create A Great Atmosphere For Your Home Poker Game|
|27 Questions to Ask Yourself During a Poker Hand|
|The Pros Are Jumping on Twitch: Get In On the Ground Floor|