THE WEEKLY SHUFFLE, 2007-08-05, by Ozone, TwoGun* Neteller fully repaid its US customers. This means $94 million was just infused into poker players' wallets. Where will all this money go? Clearly, strip clubs will see a record quarter. Mp3 player sales will likely skyrocket as well.
* I wonder how that chimp ended up finishing in last year's WSOP. Seriously, do you know how he did? If you do, please email me at TwoGun@pokertips.org. If he placed higher than me, I think I might just have to kill myself.
* If they can teach a chimp to play hold'em, how difficult would it be to train my dog to play 7-card stud hi-lo? If I can get him to beat the $.50-$1 games, how unethical would it be to make him four table for eight hours before he gets his food. Would it be ethical if it was just four hours?
* Phil Hellmuth already has written books, created poker videos, endorsed an energy drink, endorsed a poker chip set, and created a mobile phone video game. How will he sell out next? I think there are a lot of opportunities still out there: Phil Hellmuth playing cards, Phil Hellmuth sun glasses, and Phil Hellmuth watches to just name a few.
* Jerry Yang promised God a cut of his action if he won the WSOP Main Event. What's the going rate for divine intervention at the WSOP these days? 10%? 15%? Seems like a fair enough deal to me. What you've got to watch out for is when God starts getting greedy enough to ask for 25%. That's where I drew the line back in my bingo days.
* I wonder why no one ever turns off the lights in a poker room, steals a bunch of people's chips, and then turns the lights back on real fast? Seems like +EV to me. Plus you know some lady in the corner of the room would gasp and start screaming "MY CHIPS!!! MY CHIPS!!!" and that'd just be kinda funny.
* Is ZeeJustin working on cloning himself now that he plays live tournaments?
* Do Europeans know that American brick-and-mortar cardrooms cap the rake at $4 instead of €10- €20? Nevermind, maybe I've said too much already.
* Posting antes in live tournaments is really annoying. What they should have is a little monkey that hops around the table collecting everyone's antes, putting them in the middle of the pot, and then sitting on the shoulder of the player on the dealer button. We could call him Ante Monkey, and he'd wear a little suit with a top hat and we'd all feed him crackers as payment.
The Weekly Shuffle is our Sunday column with our observations and commentary on the poker world. Have an idea for an article? Leave a suggestion on the feedback page.
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