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Past Articles:

Thoughts on PokerStars VIP Changes
2015-12-20

The Top 9 Myths About Online Poker
2015-05-17

The 4 Worst Tips Given To Beginner Poker Players (Don't Fall Into These Traps)
2015-05-03

Should You Play Poker Professionally?
2015-04-05

Poker Can Change Your Life: 4 Inspirational Rags to Riches Stories
2015-03-29

The Discomfort Zone: Manage it for Growth and Success
2015-03-15

An Intro to Daily Fantasy Soorts
2015-03-08

The 4 Main Psychological Principles That Shape Your Poker Play
2015-02-15

A Detailed Rake and Reward Comparison of Three of the Top Poker Sites
2015-02-08

Don't Jump The Gun: Get Full Value From Your Best Hands
2015-02-01

The Weekly Shuffle Archives, 2005-2017


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A Tournament Break with John "SnapcallU" Roberts

THE WEEKLY SHUFFLE, 2008-12-14, by Ozone

"Dealers, finish up the hand you're on and stop. Players, you're on a fifteen minute break," announced the tournament director. John "SnapcallU" Roberts took off his headphones, removed his hoodie, and darted towards the hallway to meet his friends. A cigarette was immediately in John's mouth; those 90 minute levels between cigarettes sure do test one's nerves.

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As he is required to do during every tournament break, John pulled out his cell phone to leave a message with his backers, online legends "blankets" and "DannyFax". If it weren't for those two, John and countless more of his friends wouldn't be able to spend their lives on the poker tournament circuit waiting to hit that seven figure payday. Since many of their "horses" are young, lazy pot-heads who can't be trusted with basic tasks like waking up in time for a tournament, "blankets" and "DannyFax" set up an automated voice message system to keep close tabs on their harem of broke math-nerds. In John "SnapcallU" Roberts' case, he has been staked by the duo for almost a year after catching their eye by finishing 6th in the Online Player of the Year standings.

"How are you guys doing?" SnapCallU asked his friends. "34k," said Billy "Shoveat420" Shaw. "52k here," chimed in Kenny "iamkenny" Rosen. "Oooh nice," said SnapCallU, "I've only got 17k... some old donk called all-in with a flush draw on the turn and got there against me for a 40k pot." They all joked about how soft the tournament is and then stood there awkwardly taking a few drags off their cigarettes. It had been two years since any of them got laid or talked about anything besides poker. The effects it was having on their social skills was becoming a concern to their parents who certainly didn't pay for two and a half years of college only to see their sons turn into college-dropout social misfits. But the guys all knew that once they finally won a WPT event, as their friend Suraj "crazyswan" Singh had done last month, their lives would be complete.

In the case of crazyswan, he was beginning to become a point of jealousy amongst the group. After settling on his $1.7M payday with his backers, Singh had taken on his own stable of up-and-coming horses. He even bought himself a Mercedes and had started spending less time around the group during breaks while nursing a $1,000 a week cocaine habit in his hotel room. It was clear that he had a good chance of getting laid sometime in the next three years, which was a source of quiet envy for the others in the group.

Finally iamkenny broke up the silence, "oh so check this out... crazian shoves 11 big blinds under the gun and Lane Black flats him from the button. I look at Ace-Jack on the big blind." "Shove," Shoveat420 responds immediately. "Really? I think Black is flatting his whole range there," said iamkenny. "Yea but his range has like Jack-Ten suited and pocket Twos," responded Shoveat420. SnapcallU had to chime in, "nah dude, I think it's close. I mean, we'll see what everyone on 3+3 says later, but I think my range starts at Ace-Queen." Kenny nods in satisfaction. Usually SnapcallU isn't wrong often, something three straight years of thinking and breathing tournament scenarios has gotten him.

With seven minutes left on their break, Kenny suggests the three of them run up to their hotel room to smoke a little weed, a vice that has become commonplace in their lives since "turning pro". SnapcallU passes on account of laziness.

After his posse leaves for a reefer break, SnapcallU spots another friend of his, Ozone. After exchanging chip counts and major hands, Ozone asks, "oh by the way, have you gotten a chance to look at those interview questions for PokerTips?" SnapcallU squirms around and says, "oh yea... I'll finish it this week."

Knowing that likely won't be the case, Ozone walks away mumbling, "fuckin' Peter Eastgate gets the answers back to me in an hour while this pot head will take four months."

The Weekly Shuffle is our Sunday column with our observations and commentary on the poker world. Have an idea for an article? Leave a suggestion on the feedback page.

 


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