Colt and Nate Take It to the Strip Club

THE WEEKLY SHUFFLE, 2009-07-19, by TwoGun, Ozone

After meeting at the budget-friendly restaurant inside Vegas' 'Ellis Island' casino, Colt Wesson decided to take Nate McNiterson on his first trip to a strip club. As a man who knows strip clubs inside and out, Colt was willing to show his new found friend the ropes. Nate's interest in attending the strip club was heightened by Colt's offer to pay his cover charge. Nate assured himself that the entire night should be free thanks to Colt's generosity on the cover charge.

The two hopped in a cab and Colt instructed the driver to head to Treasures. "And it's a free ride for us, right?" confirmed Colt. "Sure," said the driver. Nate was confused but impressed. He whispered to Colt, "how is it free for us?"

"You see Nate, strip clubs give cab drivers a kick back for bringing them patrons. Most drivers will happily take care of the fare as long as they know they're dropping you off at a strip club," Colt explained.

Nate was impressed to the point of being speechless with Colt's nose for value.

"Hey why are we going to Treasures? I thought that Rhino place was the best strip club," inquired Nate.

"No, no, no. The Rhino is a factory. It's for schmucks who like lighting money on fire via lap dances. The girls there are all spoiled, money-grubbing whores. Now, I'm not saying the girls at Treasures aren't money-grubbing whores, because believe me, many of them are, but the atmosphere of the club makes it feel like a little less of a hustle than the Rhino. This allows you to actually talk to the strippers and neg them," explained Colt.

"Neg them?" asked Nate.

"Yea... in order for a stripper to be interested in you, you have to make it clear to her that you are the man. You see, strippers are like dogs. They're attracted to confident alphas who put them in their place. However, they get the exact opposite of this from most of their customers who go on and on about how 'pretty' and 'interesting' they are. Strippers hate that. They don't want compliments. They want their hair pulled and they want to be negged."

Nate was still unclear, "so how do you neg a stripper?"

"A good generic routine to use if you can't come up with anything more specific is to imply that she is crazy. You can say something like, 'wow, you're kind of crazy aren't you?' And then when she attempts to defend herself, you can interrupt in a reassuring tone and say, 'don't worry, it's okay that you're a little crazy. Lucky for you, I'm used to dealing with crazy girls.'"

The two arrived at the club. Colt immediately engaged a trashy, half-Hispanic stripper in a conversation about how hard she likes having her hair pulled.

While this was happening, Nate was approached by a tall blonde who wore an attitude of entitlement on her face. After three minutes, the blonde was able to convince Nate to go to the VIP room with her. She told him she would do a special dance just for him.

After making significant headway with his trashy, half-Hispanic queen, Colt looked around and asked, "hey, what happened to my buddy?"

"Oh I think that girl took him to the VIP room," she replied.

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" cried Colt. But it was too late. The damage had been done. Nate stumbled out of the VIP room with a look of horror on his face.

"We gotta go. We gotta get out of here," said Nate.

Colt, already fully aware of what had happened, decided to ask anyway just for his jollies, "oh? Why is that?"

"You don't understand, man. You don't know what they do to you back there," said Nate.

"No, I think I understand. I think I understand that you just did everything I told you not to do, and now you're out $500, aren't you boy?" asked Colt.

"Man... oh man... I am in so much trouble. My Mom is going to be so pissed when she sees my credit card receipt and finds out I spent $1600 in a strip club," said Nate as he fought back tears.

"Sixteen hundred?!?! Jesus! What did you do back there?" wondered Colt.

"There were three of them, man. They promised me it would be worth it and that it would be an experience I'd never forget," said Nate.

"I guess they were right about the last part, huh? C'mon buddy, I'll buy the ride home," said Colt before turning to his half-Hispanic stripper, "Haley, grab your stuff and let's go. You want to get your hair pulled tonight, don't ya girl?"

The Weekly Shuffle is our Sunday column with our observations and commentary on the poker world. Have an idea for an article? Leave a suggestion on the feedback page.