Poker Player Approaches to Getting Women

THE WEEKLY SHUFFLE, 2009-08-09, by Ozone, TwoGun

Poker players use a very wide range of approaches to get women. For a group of people, this diverse set of approaches is pretty unique. For example, almost all Evangelical Christians just get married while almost all yuppie douchebags bounce around in casual relationships for a couple weeks at a time. Poker players, however, like taking a wide array of approaches:

Celibacy

This is a very popular approach among young online poker pros. Since poker has made them view life in terms of win rate, many of them cannot fathom spending time chasing women that could otherwise be used to grind out 10 big blinds per hour. While prostitutes might seem like an appropriate antidote to this conundrum, most young online poker players are too risk-averse to flat-out buy a woman. That leaves them with one option: celibacy. It might not be a bad option, either. Phil Hellmuth convinced himself that celibacy was the ticket to a World Championship. He was right!

There are more than just a couple of self-made millionaire early-20 somethings who have never dealt with the embarrassment of trying to have sex for the first time. Rather than name them by name, we instead chose to blackmail them in exchange for keeping our mouths shut. We extracted $62.50 in doing so. Not a bad hourly rate!

Pros: Without women as a distraction, the sky is the limit on moneymaking potential!

Cons: Uhh... isn't it obvious?

Steady Girlfriend

The steady girlfriend approach is probably the most balanced strategy a poker player can take to getting women. It's not glamorous, but at least you're getting laid. Some poker players will pay for their steady girlfriend to travel with them to poker tournaments. Others just leave them at home and spend a week or two remembering what it feels like to be a helpless virgin.

Pros: Hey, you're getting laid at least!

Cons: SHS (Same Hole Syndrome)

Chasing Various Women

Poker players with an above average sex drive will typically chase various women. This approach can be costly, but at least it's exciting. Some poker players take things so far as to join a community of pick-up artists (PUAs) in an attempt to turn the conquest of women into as much of a formulated strategy as playing poker. The criticism to this approach is that players usually employ terrible game selection. When playing poker, it doesn't make much sense to try to beat the toughest players at the highest stakes. The same concept can be applied to chasing women. Why go for the super hottie that's being pursued by 30 guys at once when someone a little less attractive takes so much less effort?

Pros: Exciting lifestyle... sort of.

Cons: Over-weighing the importance of getting women.

Strippers

Some poker players are strip club degenerates that have mastered the art of acquiring women who sell a sexual fantasy for a living as their sexual companion. This approach can either be very costly or fairly cheap depending on how good you are. An incorrect approach would be to go into a strip club and spend tons of money. The girls will not view you as a catch; they'll view you as a sucker. The key is to not let them view you as a dollar sign, but as a person that they enjoy spending time with. If you can master this, the strip club approach to getting women can be among the best.

Pros: Instant filter for women who are prudes or will make your life hell before sleeping with you.

Cons: Can be costly; strippers can be very flakey and unreliable.

Hookers

Finally, there is the direct approach of just buying sex from a woman. This method has been popular among poker players since the invention of a deck of cards. You can be sure that where there are poker players, there will be hookers. In fact, hookers, as a group of people, would be wise to position themselves around poker players even more. A truly entrepreneurial girl would even consider paying attention to when the major tournaments are taking place and adjust her schedule accordingly. After spending countless hours sitting at a table with a bunch of other men and walking away with a handful of cash, it's not too tough to sell the idea of paying for sex to a lonely poker playing degenerate who doesn't have enough game to get laid otherwise.

Pros: Cuts right to the chase.

Cons: The psychological enjoyment of getting a girl to sleep with you because she actually wants to is taken out of play.

The Weekly Shuffle is our Sunday column with our observations and commentary on the poker world. Have an idea for an article? Leave a suggestion on the feedback page.