Top Ten Things To Do With Your Full Tilt Money
THE WEEKLY SHUFFLE, 2013-10-20, by TwoGunWith US players now able to petition to get their Full Tilt Poker money back, they can now finally realistically expect to get the money they long written off awhile ago. If you are one of these players and are not sure what to do with the return of your cash, here are some ideas:
1. Use it for relocation expenses to Nevada or New Jersey so you can play regulated, legal online poker.
2. Pay T.J. Cloutier to be a clown at your kids birthday party. If you want to be a real ass about it, you'll track down and buy his WSOP bracelet and flaunt it in front of him.
3. Go on your long-awaited coke-and-stripper bender...I'm talking about Coca Cola of course.
4. Go for a trip to Spain and let me know if they play that weird Spanish/Synthetic Hold'em variant still at the casinos there.
5. Stock up on supplies, roll back your clocks, and have that 2012 world-is-ending party that you always wanted to have but didn't have the liquid cash for.
6. Use it as a bankroll to start a lucrative career as a professional daily fantasy sports player at Draftkings, SportsTradex, and all the other DFS sites.
7. Build a time machine and re-create your life as a European or Canadian instead of an American so you could have had your Full Tilt Poker money back over 2 years ago.
8. Decide to go into options trading so you can lose your bankroll quickly in a legal, regulated, and extremely degenerate manner.
9. Bet it all on some Starcraft II matchup so you can be the world's most degenerate e-sports gambler.
10. Learn your lesson and put it in a FDIC insured bank account instead of leaving online at some illegally ran gambling joint.
If you're a US player and had money on Full Tilt and haven't petitioned to get your money back, head on over to FullTiltPokerClaims.com. So far, only 27,000 of 1.4 million eligible accounts have asked for their money, so a lot of people are leaving money on the table so to speak.
The Weekly Shuffle is our Sunday column with our observations and commentary on the poker world. Have an idea for an article? Leave a suggestion on the feedback page.
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